The first time I experienced impostor syndrome was on my second short film, Braised. The film revolves around a family of a father, mother and daughter. It was on the second day of shooting when I met the woman playing my wife. She was very sweet and nice and we got along well, but when we started talking about our acting experience, that’s when the impostor syndrome kicked in. The woman playing my wife, was not only a experienced actor with years in theater, but she also teaches acting at some of the local colleges and universities around Philadelphia.
When I found this out, that’s when fear kicked it:
“She’s going to see right through me and realize that I have no idea what I am doing.”
“She’s an instructor and will be mentally tearing apart my performance.”
“She’s going to think I can’t act.”
Luckily, none of these things happened and the shoot went smoothly. We had a great time and we still communicate to this day. In fact, I brought up my fears to her recently when Braised was being screened at The Women’s Film Festival in Philadelphia. She was surprised I even had impostor syndrome and that she was the cause of it.
Did It Go Away?
I am happy to report that the impostor syndrome did eventually go away. I actually remember the moment it did. It was after my audition for East of Eden. My manager watches all my auditions before they get sent to casting. About 30 minutes after I sent the email, I got a call from her. Aside from our initial meeting to decide whether we wanted to work together, the only contact we’ve had was through email and texts.
On the call, she told me that she was really happy with the audition, that it was great and she was proud to send it. There were a couple of small notes for future auditions, but she didn’t want me to change this one and she sent it.
Having someone, who’s been in the industry for over 30 years, praise what I’m doing, not only tells me I’m doing a decent job, but gives me confidence that I am in the right industry. I’m sure at some point, it might hit me again if I get to work with some A-List actors, but as of now, it’s gone.
Simon Shih 